College And Aspirations

I'm currently sitting at my desk in my college dorm as I write this entry. I just recently got a roommate (I started Spring Semester a few weeks ago, for some reason I've been alone till now), and I've been struggling to adjust to the change. She seems nice, but I'm not used to living with someone who isn't family. Her friends are over often, and sometimes I feel out of place, since I don't really know anybody.

I have some dreams that I've been working on. I feel more and more passionately every day that this is what I'm meant to do. I'm planning on making some serious steps in that direction within the next few weeks, and nobody but me and God knows about it. 

I've made steps before towards my dream, and it never ends in a way I'm fully satisfied with. But I'm determined to keep trying regardless; whether this next attempt at progress works the way I want or not, I won't be giving up.

The loneliness I feel in college is helping me push through and continue with my dream, as I have no other exciting thing to focus on. I have no idea what I want to do with my life if this doesn't work. That's why I put my energy into it. I need to. 

I've always been indecisive about what I want to be and do. There were many things I had a passion for growing up. But now there isn't anything but this that feels right anymore. 

I haven't told anyone about this-- or at least, the intensity in which I feel the desire to achieve this dream. Some close family has heard about the casual interest I have, but I haven't told anyone how serious I am about it. I'm afraid that with the pressure of others I'll feel stressed and not get to where I need to. 

Old friends I have never heard a thing about it. I think if they did they would be shocked. I've always been shy, and the things I want to do require me to put myself out there in so many ways. But I'm willing to take those risks, and do what I can to do the things I want to. 

Of course I can't be fully sure, but I do know that I've never been more certain that something is right for me in my life. I don't want the fame, or the money, or the recognition. I want the feeling I get when I live out my dreams. And to do what I love to do. Of course, to succeed in that, I do need the recognition and the money. So I can make a career from it and continue to pursue it as long as I want to. 

I have no idea where this will go. Possibly nowhere. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there's something entirely different for me out there. But I have to try. I have to do what I believe is right.

~ Vera ♡